I’m glad I’m never going back to you. I’m much better off without you. Gah, I’m so relieved.
But I can’t stop being irritated every time you say you’ve changed. “I’ve changed, you know.” You say. Oh really? I counted the times, and you’ve said about twelve times: “I have changed” in many diverse, different ways. Come on! I can’t believe you believe that ess ache eye tee. Aanyway.

Now that we’re “friends”, you’ve started your “Well, now I can take my time to reply to you -online-”. You’re acting as if you had all the control, and think your world is perfect. “Yes! I’m in this with this person.”, “Yes, me and this person are a team.”, “Yes, me and this person do everything together.” You say.
That’s what you say for now.

I can’t believe you actually think it’s going to last forever. You kind of mentioned you are ready in case that things do not work out as you plan, but I doubt that you’re prepared for that. I can already see it coming: the drama over the soon-to-be-ex.

Everyday I am more and more aware that relationship “love” lasts a very short amount of time. And once it’s gone, it’s gone forever, together with any kind of link. You’ll see.

Did I make the right choice? Was this really the best one? I don’t know.
I feel trapped. And at the same time, I think that might be the way I should be remaining for a while. Maybe the whole four years and a half. Maybe, just maybe… only two.

Some of my classes are great. Some teachers are amazing. I will learn a lot of interesting things from interesting people. Not only interesting, but useful as well. There are teachers that will train me hard and make me go further. Learn form and depth. I like that. I’m looking forward to that. It will be worth it.

There are, as well, the “other” teachers. They… aren’t that great. They might not even be good. One is a young man. He is teaching us how to write stories. He says he’ll teach us that. He keeps repeating and repeating the same phrase over and over again. But all he’s done is explain the basics: protagonist, antagonist, and types of conflict. That’s literature for dummies. Come on. I learned that the first 20 minutes of class in high school, not in the first 4 hours of college. And some people in my class didn’t even get it that time. Some still haven’t got it. Give me a break.

My classmates. There are about four or five people that I expect a lot from. There are some others that shouldn’t even be there. They said they’ve been into film since they were little and that they can’t imagine themselves doing anything else in their whole life. Bullshit. If they were THAT into filmmaking, they would’ve started differently. They would be smarter people. They wouldn’t be who they are.

We are all supposed to start from zero. Unfortunately, we’ve begun from negative numbers. I don’t know if I can’t stand that. I’m learning with words what I already know how to do with my hands.

They’re teaching me how to make art, but I want to be creating/doing art.

After two years of college, I will decide if I will finish the whole career or not. If after two years I have not learned a lot of things and improved very significantly, I’m quitting. I’m dropping out of university. If I don’t get the scholarship, I’m dropping out anyway. My father can’t afford it. That’s fucking frustrating. So many of my classmates are studying in that school because “it sounds very interesting” and they allegedly “can’t imagine themselves doing anything else”. I am the one who REALLY can’t imagine himself doing anything else.

…

A friend had taken a decision. A friend had chosen to do something over another thing. It was all going smoothly, it was happening correctly.

But unexpectedly, he started doubting about his choice, and at the end, concluded that he would rather choose another way.

Before taking this action, his nicknames on IM were discretely pointed to “somebody else”. But now, after he chose the girl, it is much more obvious.

I mean, it is perfectly fine to say you like a girl, but I do not agree with insisting so much in proving it. Everyone’s got it and that is fair enough… You don’t need to be like “OMG yes I DO like girls alright?” to make people believe in what you say. Do you?