Many Things
Many things have happened since my last post. I’ve gone out with the person I like, and we’re better friends than before, but the hope of there being something else beyond friendship is fading everyday. I’m trying not to think about it anymore. I’m glad we’re friends at least.
Feelings Reawaken
When I was talking with an old friend, I remembered some moments from our past. I had blocked all those feelings. The only remains where ghosts of love, incomplete silhouettes that made me get a very little glimpse of what it felt like. And they all escaped; they all came out rushing. It felt very good. It’s as if I had completely sealed that kind of emotions. Now I get why people can’t live without them.
Should I make them go to sleep again, or keep them awake?
Twisting Me
It simply can not be stopped. Today I tried to hide that I like you, and how you make me feel. But I can not. I did manage to do it, though. Looks can trick you; I can trick you then. Just like I did with the sunset today, and that was accidental.
Just watching you makes it all worth it. The smile, the gaze; I like your redness. Every time, you start twisting me. I like to think it is all the way I thought in the beginning. But everyday, the crystal of this reality shatters more and more.
The only place where all these shards turn into a shinning and beautiful crystal is in my dreams. In my dreams, you’ve had the same personality as in reality. And still, I get hope there. You thrill me with an unexpected and wonderful turn and I don’t feel pain. But it’s day, and I’m pressing the shards against my hands.
All that is left for me to pick are the shards of the lost hope. The shards that cut my hands when I grab them. The shards that make me bleed and feel the reality. But…even if I actually had this chance, I’d leave. Only some months are left, and it’s all beginning to turn gray. It’s depressing that I’ll have to say: goodbye, colors. Goodbye, young red one.
Upon leaving, all will turn to gray. All the colors upon leaving, all will turn to gray.
Twisting me…
Back in My Mind Again
It’s very hard to get you out of my head. Seeing you on the road is so cool. The expressions you make are unique. You are definitely special.
Will I ever know what I want to know? Will there ever be something more than this? What do you feel for me?
Did I make it up. Hope not. Please, not.
Your Call
Yes. All right. You “justified” your actions. I am tired of excuses. But is is fine. I will tolerate it. If I did not, it would get complex.
Yet…Don’t think I’ve forgotten about what you did.
Betrayal
You know what? I thought I could trust you. I thought you actually did support me, I thought you cared; I thought I could count on you, just like you do on me. I can’t. You’ve betrayed me so badly.
Using lies as an excuse won’t help. I know when you’re lying. I can read you. You hadn’t showed your hypocrite face to me, and now you’ve taken off your mask.
I was right. You’re as void and false as I thought. I’ll keep my distance from you, and I’ll strike you from behind, just like I did today. I hate hypocrites.
Oh yeah, and they’ll know. I won’t promote it, I’ll just tell what happened. Hope they realize who you really are, masked beast. You disappointed me. Sad.
My Other Side
My other side is me. My other side is here. Nobody really knows it exists. But I am glad it is that way, I am glad I have this side.
Is it darker? Is it more serious? It is definitely serious. I like it. I think deeply in this side.
More than ever, I am Near. Boku wa Near desu.
I’m Back
Believe it or not, I’m still here. And writing for the blog. It’s been about 2 years now. I can not believe it, but I am glad I came back at last.
Thanks to a random event I will not talk about, I remembered about my playground, and was very happy to see my old posts.
I don’t know how frequently I will post here, but I will be very glad to do it when I am able to.
Cheers to anyone who reads me. And if nobody does, I’m happy too, and for myself.
Change of Heart
A friend had taken a decision. A friend had chosen to do something over another thing. It was all going smoothly, it was happening correctly.
But unexpectedly, he started doubting about his choice, and at the end, concluded that he would rather choose another way.
Before taking this action, his nicknames on IM were discretely pointed to “somebody else”. But now, after he chose the girl, it is much more obvious.
I mean, it is perfectly fine to say you like a girl, but I do not agree with insisting so much in proving it. Everyone’s got it and that is fair enough… You don’t need to be like “OMG yes I DO like girls alright?” to make people believe in what you say. Do you?
False Fear
Thankfully, the fear I felt before is gone. There was actually nothing to be worried about.
Yet, I don’t regret taking my own precautions, even if they were a bit extreme for the situation. You always need to be ready, you never know when somebody might attack.
